Plan B is the new Plan A
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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