I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
