the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
