So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
