Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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