I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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