I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I need to sanitize my soul.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
