Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
did you just send me my own nude
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize