tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
