dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
