You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
