Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
