I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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