You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
