I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
