big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
