At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
