Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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