He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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