dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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