So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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