She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
