Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
