come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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