I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
