Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
