i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
