he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
