I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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