Betty ford says i'm here all night
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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