Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
