just come out here and I will go home with you...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
The adults are the big ones right?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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