Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
