Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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