i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
