I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Houston, we have a squirter
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
