i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
