Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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