I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
