i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
