I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We don't watch enough power rangers
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
