U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
