when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
