areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
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i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
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The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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