I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
