Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
