Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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