I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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