do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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