im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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