No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
