I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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