you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
