And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
