Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
