you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
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what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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