i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
