I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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