i just wanna soil my oats bro
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
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I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
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So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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